This post is well overdue, but never the less, here it is. It is in response to a comment made by my beloved atheist, liberal, former co-worker and friend, Josh -aka- Raging Dad. Not only is Josh an avid reader of my blog, a feat hard to pull off due to the infrequent posts, I can almost always count on him to post a comment to the story he reads, even if it’s just making a comment about a grammatical error - yes he is a grammar geek. Sometimes when I post an article, I know that it is going to strum at the liberal cords of Josh’s heart…reminiscent of the good ol’ days back at Minneapolis Public Schools. However, when I posted the article “Children need fathers, not baby-daddies” I did not expect to hear from him, but never willing to disappoint, he came through as usual. And as usual, while I respect his view, I disagree with most of what he wrote.
Josh wrote: No doubt kids will benefit from having two loving parents to support them and teach them the ways of the world, right from wrong, and give them skills to cope with the madness that surrounds us every day. I do think that a single parent is capable of doing this, though it is more challenging. I also strongly believe that two mothers or two dads could provide the same nurturing and supportive environment that a mom and a dad could. It had more to do with the environment created, and not the gender of the people involved, IMHO [in my humble opinion].
The first point I want to address is growing up in a single parent home as opposed to having two parents in the home. I agree that a single parent can provide a strong support system and is more than capable of teaching right from wrong. I also agree that this is a challenging feat to undertake. Having two kids of my own, I give much honor and respect to folks like my mother who raised multiple kids, with far less resources, all on their own. And while single parents do their very best to raise their children, there is an irrefutable fact without an exception to its rule. That is the fact that a woman can never teach a boy how to be a man and a man can never teach a girl how to be a woman.
As a man, I can instruct my daughter on how she should carry herself as a young lady. I can tell her what type of boys she will draw by wearing certain outfits. I can also teach her right from wrong, establish values based on our beliefs, and I can teach her to have self-worth so she does not settle for any ol’ knucklehead who comes her way. These life lessons, however, are from a male’s perspective… because I know how “we” think. But when it comes time for my daughter to have her monthly, or when her hormones start to run rambunctiously, there’s not much I can do for her because I have no experience in that area. I am a firm believer that real experience and practice outweighs theory or guessing. Beyond this, there are other things that only a woman can relate to another woman, and there is nothing wrong with that. We were made differently for a reason. The same goes for a young boy as it relates to his mother.
Regarding the comment on same sex parents, I do not disagree that they can provide a nurturing and supportive environment as well. This article was not about the effectiveness of same sex partners, but was a charge to men to step up to their God-given roles. Yet, my stance with same sex parents remains the same as with single parents. Two women cannot teach a boy to be a man and two men cannot teach a girl how to be a woman. They can teach them how to be good, respectable people, but there will always be an element missing.
Our differing in opinion, Raging Dad, is and will remain because of my faith and belief in God and your lack thereof. There are certain things that are immutable according to the Word of God. Proverbs 1:8-9 reads, “My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: for they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck.” In this verse, Solomon was saying that the wisdom and instruction from a mother and father will bring about blessings and its worth is invaluable. This proverb also shows that there are roles for the mother and father to bring balance in rearing the children. Therefore, I once again admonish parents, in particularly fathers, not to abandon their God-given roles. No matter what the world or society may say, children need fathers in their lives.
4 comments:
Sweet. I miss you and our friendly sparring!
"A woman can never teach a boy how to be a man can never teach a girl how to be a woman." I'm not sure I buy this. Perhaps if you believe a critical role of a parent is to teach them to assimilate into the proper gender roles that have been prescribed to them over the centuries since that important novel was written.
"What it means to be a man/woman" died with the third-wave feminist movement, my friend. But that doesn't mean that you can't teach politeness, responsibility and respect. I don't open a door for a woman because my dad taught me that it is my responsibility to do so. I do it for women and men alike, because it is a simple act of kindness and courtesy, something that our culture is short on.
As far as the immutable word of God... Well, we'll never agree on this point. However, the notion of the value of wisdom of adults is perfectly good, and the importance of respect for elders is clearly something we are in agreement on. But just because I have a set of balls doesn't mean I'm going to be a good parent or that I have a divinely-inspired responsibility for providing secret wisdoms to a kid. I'll quote Chuck Palahniuk: "Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken." Sometimes people are just shitty parents. And sometimes people are excellent parents who raise their kids well, regardless of what equipment they have in their shorts.
Happy holidays, my good friend!
Hear, hear! God created men and women to each display aspects of His Person, since we are created in His image. His ideal is definitely having both a mom and dad raise kids together--both present and involved, sharing the privilige and responsibility of parenthood. There is something that a father can give to his children as they grow that instills confidence and security in a way that a mother cannot. At the same, a mother can provide nurture and compassion in a way that men typically do not excel at. This is not sexist or stereotyping, but rather just evidence that both qualities exist in people and were given to reflect the reality of their Creator.
Thanks for sharing!
After reading your initial post and then reading "raging dad's" comments, I reflected on a recent conversation I had with my brother. I met my brother in person for the first time in October of last year; found him on facebook in January of last year. He is a couple years older than me and lives in the back hills (smile) of Pennsylvania. My brother has never had a relationship with our father--in fact, he knows very few of his blood relatives. That said, he is a loving husband, father of four and successful business owner. It is truly amazing to talk with him and realize we have so much in common as far as character and principles go--despite growing up completely apart, in the absence of our father (my folks divorced when I was 10). I was struck one day by a point my brother made that I hadn't considered in the same way before. He said that the absence of a father made him the person he is today--a man who adores being a father, is driven to create his own path, empowered to make his own individual mark. Hunh. The more I reflected on his statement, the more I realized that the same could be said for me, as well. Though I now enjoy a pretty decent relationship with my father, I could probably identify as many positives which resulted from his absence as negatives.
I agree with the point made in your blog. In response to both you raging dad, I think the conversation often overlooks one critical fact: fathers make a difference--regardless of whether they are present or absent (because they dipped or because there are "two mommies" in the household). There is definitely a void, but there are times when that absence is in the best interest of the child. A man marrying the mother of his child/children and "staying" does not in and of itself necessitate the example set forth in our Bible. If my parents had stayed married, I honestly doubt I would be as well-adjusted, (clearly my opinion *smile*) and I think I'd have a warped sense of what a healthy relationship between a man and a woman looks like.
Proverbs 17:6 (KJV): Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.
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